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Many of us have casually made comments to children without realizing the potential impact it could have on them. One common remark is telling well-behaved children that they are “mature for their age.” While this statement may seem harmless on the surface, therapists caution that it can carry deeper, more complex meanings that may be damaging.

Therapist Justin Vafa William explains that although calling a child mature may be intended as a compliment, it could have negative consequences. For some children, being labeled as mature for their age may not have lasting effects. However, for others, this statement could be an indicator of more troubling underlying issues.

### Being ‘mature for your age’ could mean you were parentified

Therapists warn that attributing maturity to a child might contribute to a phenomenon called parentification. Parentification occurs when a child takes on parental responsibilities for their parents or siblings, assuming roles that are typically reserved for adults. This can manifest as managing household tasks or providing caregiving.

### It could mean you had to grow up quickly

Being told you’re mature for your age could signal that you were forced to mature prematurely. According to therapist Maggie Lancioni, these children of felt compelled to grow up to meet survival needs, such as caring for siblings, rather than by choice.

### It could also mean you weren’t fully able to be a kid

Children labeled as mature are often thrust into adult roles early on, depriving them of a carefree childhood. They may feel pressured to behave in a mature manner at all times, limiting their ability to make mistakes and learn from them. This pressure could persist into adulthood, compelling them to take on caretaking roles.

### Children who are ‘mature for their age’ are often seen as reliable by adults

Adults generally appreciate children with mature dispositions due to their reliability and strong inner qualities. These children are perceived as empathetic and attuned, making them easier to communicate with and more compliant. However, it’s crucial for adults not to rely too heavily on these children or expect them to fulfill responsibilities beyond their years.

### In adulthood, it can lead to people-pleasing, poor boundaries, and difficulty asking for help

The pressure of being labeled mature as a child can have lasting effects into adulthood. Adults who were forced into maturity early on may struggle with trust, asking for help, setting boundaries, mental health issues, anxiety, and people-pleasing behaviors. It is vital for these individuals to prioritize self-care and seek therapy to address these lingering challenges.

### Instead of simply telling a child they’re mature for their age, comment on specific behaviors

To foster healthy development, it’s advisable to avoid labeling children as mature for their age. Instead, focus on praising specific behaviors or actions that you appreciate. Encouraging children to be kids and acknowledging their individual qualities will help them develop in a balanced and healthy way. Additionally, being mindful of how perceived maturity may affect relationships and responsibilities is essential.

Therapists emphasize the importance of providing children with appropriate opportunities for growth without burdening them with unrealistic expectations. By being mindful of our language and interactions, we can support children in developing in a way that is healthy and appropriate for their age.