Struggling with an older lover who constantly pulls away? Philippa Perry advises on navigating this complex relationship to prioritize your emotional health.

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Six months ago, a woman reunited with an old colleague and sparked a deep emotional and romantic connection. Despite the significant age gap between them, the woman found herself falling for this older gentleman. However, their relationship became a rollercoaster of intense connection, rejection, love, and confusion.

The woman detailed how her older gentleman would draw her in with love and tenderness, only to push her away days later, citing their age difference as a reason for his internal conflict. This pattern of closeness, followed by detachment, left the woman feeling unsure about the future of their relationship.

Keeping track of their interactions, the woman realized that out of the 20 days/nights they spent together, her older gentleman had distanced himself eight times. Despite feeling deeply for him, she struggled with the cycle of intimacy and rejection.

In response to this dilemma, Philippa emphasized the importance of actions matching words in a relationship. Words of love can be seductive, but without consistent behavior to support them, they lose their meaning. Philippa also encouraged the woman to reflect on how she viewed her partner, questioning whether she objectified him in any way.

Philippa suggested that the older gentleman’s push-and-pull behavior might stem from his struggles with vulnerability and intimacy. Instead of taking his rejections personally, she proposed sharing her documented observations with him to facilitate open communication about their dynamic.

Acknowledging the familiar pattern of highs and lows in the relationship, Philippa pointed out the possible connection to past emotional wounds. She urged the woman to prioritize her emotional well-being and consider the impact of her childhood experiences on her choice of partners.

While the woman saw glimpses of an authentic and loving side in her older gentleman, Philippa cautioned against idealizing him. True authenticity lies in consistent behavior, not just moments of affection. She advised the woman to channel her energy towards activities and relationships that nourish her and promote emotional stability.

In conclusion, Philippa encouraged the woman to love herself enough to set boundaries and prioritize her emotional health, even if it meant stepping away from a relationship she deeply cared about. By addressing her past patterns and understanding her motivations, she could break free from cycles of emotional unavailability and find fulfillment in healthier connections.

Overall, the key takeaway from this situation is that actions speak louder than words in relationships, and it is essential to prioritize emotional well-being and self-love when navigating complex dynamics with a partner.

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