Struggling with mismatched sex drives in marriage? Consider discussing your feelings openly with your partner and seeking professional help for a solution.

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In my thirties, I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for six years, married for about three. Our marriage is strong in many ways, as she is not just my wife but also my best friend. However, the issue lies in our sex life. Sadly, she has a low sex drive while mine is high, resulting in me always being the one to initiate intimacy. As a result, our sex life has become stagnant. I don’t want to end our marriage, but I long to feel desired.

We’ve attempted to discuss this issue, but nothing seems to change. It has reached a point where my attraction to her is diminishing, and both of us have stopped trying. Recently, I found myself infatuated with a colleague, imagining what it would be like to engage in a physical relationship with her. Although I distanced myself from that situation, it highlighted my desire for sexual fulfillment outside of my marriage. However, I am uncertain how to express this desire to my wife without hurting her or risking our relationship.

Steps to Address Mismatched Desire Levels:

1. Take Initiative: Only one partner initiating change will likely result in no progress. It’s essential to have an open conversation with your partner about your feelings and desires.

2. Non-Blaming Communication: Approach the conversation in a non-confrontational way, focusing on your feelings rather than placing blame.

3. Supportive Approach: Encourage your partner to seek help, whether it’s individual therapy to address past traumas or couples counseling to tackle intimacy issues.

It’s important to reassure your partner of your love and commitment to the marriage while addressing these intimate concerns. Open and honest communication is key to addressing the discrepancy in sexual desire within a relationship.

If you find yourself in a similar situation and seek advice on sexual matters, consider reaching out to experts like Pamela. You can send a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com for a chance to have your query addressed and published online. Remember, relationships require effort, understanding, and effective communication to navigate challenges and grow together.

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